Question: Rate my anime story (1 part of Sakura Neko)?
This is the first part(just writing this now just 2 let u guys kno)
oooookkk ^_^ just glad you guys really liked it ^///^
Sakura Neko
chapter 1
part 1
“YAWN”moaned Naomi as she sleepishly stepped down the stairs.
“G’morning Aunt Kimiko…”
“MOOORNING SUNSHINE ^_^!”she said with a large grin.
Mumble Mumble ><
"I remeber when you first came here, you were jumpy and energetic,ha ha."
"Not now Aunt Kimiko im exhausted ><"Naomi said as she pushed her head against the kitchen table.
"Here at least eat somthin',you ARE going to the beach today right?"She said handing Naomi her breakfast.
Naomi picked up a piece of toast and started muching on the tip."OH NO!I FORGOT!"she quickly picked up the toast and dashed up stairs.
-_- sure,now she is all energetic...
Oh man i gotta hurry.thought Naomi
She put on her swim suit and grabbed a towel and walked back down stairs."Ok im leaving,Yumi should be waiting!"
"Have fun!"
Dont worry i will...
ok not sure how many parts there are gonna be but thy will b up soon,umm yes i kno not much of a ending but oh well,lol
rate 1-10 and give me advice and what i should add/change. ^_^
IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE INTRO LOOK ON MY PROFILE
it wont rly make sense unless you see the intro lol
Answer:
Answer by manasquanwarrior22
10 i would definetely buy it
Question by AtomicAlex ^: What do you think of my “possed diary” story so far? Do you have any better titles? Plz don’t copy! -Alex-?
The possed diary
Prolouge
“Whoever opens this book will have whatever they deseire!” Yelled a clerk merchant from the crowded streets of the dreaded flee market. I caught that. It probally didn’t work. But maybe I should just get a closer look…. My feet made little light steps as I wondered aimlessly towards the wooden booth. I studied the book carefully. Studying the leather cover and the velvety crimision ribbion binding. The front said Greatest Wishes in elegant bloody scroll. I mean, it honestly looked like someone had wrote “Greatest Wishes” in someone’s blood. I did a momentary shudder and carefully opened it. The front made a “creek” sound as I opened it. A cloud of dust popped out at me as I opened it along with the “creek” sound. “Carefull..” Chuckled the grungy street merchant “It’s a little dusty.” I flipped through the dusty pages. Each page was black with 6 lines across it. Something caught my eye though, at the bottom of the last line it cutt of saying triple sixes (I won’t even SAY it) then the blood line continued, finishing of the page. “Comes with a pen” said the man again carefully handing me a short dark vase filled with crimision liquid. “Looks like blood” I sad outloud, a little freaked out. “Probally is….” Said the now creepy man with a scoff. “Almost forgot girly it also comes with the quill.” Said the man again handing me a thin stick with a sharp tip. “How much?” I asked my voice shaking a little. “For you girly it’s free…” He said, almost a meanicing look came across his face. “Uhhh sure thanks!” I said timid and grabbed the Diary, Quill, and Blood. ”Any time Deary Any time…” He said almost cackaling. By now, I was shuffling my feet in a rush, trying to get away from this mad man. “And Deary! Be carefull…” He said with a cold laugh.
————————————————————–
Chapter One
Name: Ivy Poision Sunny
“Sunny?” Questioned the overrated teenager well looking over my papers. I grimanced. I HATED my last name. “Uhh yeah. I come from a odd family.” I said with a sick expression crossing my face. Ok I kinda exaggeraded on the “odd” part they were ALIENS for crying out loud! Well, in my point of view theyq were. In Miss Tisdale here (I.e “maddy?”) they were normal people even BETTER then normal people (in her opinion of course.) She did a fast nod and quickly handed me my scheldule, lock for locker, map and other items containing bright flyers with bold headings saying “school spirit! Let’s hear it! From YOU! The “you” in caps. I crumbled it up and threw it on the ground. “Hey! Goth Girl pick that up now!” I grimanced at the sterotype label “Goth Girl” and turned around with a “what” look on my face th kind that included a hiss. She looked frightend for a second but brushed It of changing to a big huge hapy smile and shoved a detention slip in my hand “Im sorry batty but as principle of student concil I have the right to give you a detention for litering.” She said enthstiasticlly pointing to the crumbled up flyer. I gave her my worse scowl and took the detention slip crumbling it up and throwing it on the ground. I was so pissed that a growl actally escaped my chest. “Ohhh I’m so scared! What are you going to do batty bite me?” She mocked. Cue in the abnoxious laughter from her friends coming around the corner. “Annoying Barbie.” I muttered under my breath and stomped away.
Dear Diary,
I normally never write in diary’s… they are for stupid preps like the blonde bimbo is. I just wish a REAL vampire could bite her after she said that stupid remark to me. Stupid barbie in a wig and fake nails with there obbession with pink. Ok well the rest of the day was odd. This school is every sterotype movie I ever saw, probally worse. For starters you go to you’re sterotype. In that clique is a leader and there’s a boy leader and girl leader for each clique. So I got paired with goths for lunch. I’m more my own style. I don’t just sit and talk about pain, write poetry how my life sucks. I wasn’t even allowed to talk to the emos. All of these people are the type that give every sterotype a bad name! Though being “goth” I was naturally accepted into there clique. Though the leader girl thought I was Trying to take her “spot light” so she hated me, and being the immature person I am I think I will… Heh heh… It would be so funny if I could some how get the tough goth into a prep. It would be humiliating! And fun! Her whole wardrobe could change to prep…. Heh heh. But that’s just a thought…
Name: Ivy Poision Sunny.
When i got to school the next day I walked to my favorite spot (a dark ally behind the school) which is serect no one else has found out about it yet to see a dead corpse laying there. It was blonde bimbo. I looked closer to see blood splattered all over her and her hair and two punctures in her neck. It couldn’t have been? Nah, that guy that sold me the diary was just a cook… Right? My suspesions were confi
Thx I do need to fix grammer… It cut of on me… That wasn’t even how much I wrote…
Best answer:
Answer by Grendal
No, you need to edit this better. There is some good stuff, but it needs to be weeded.
What do you think? Answer below!
I am working on a fiction paper, but I am limited to 5-6 pages. So far I have 4 pages about 2 girls getting stranded in Pennsylvania after having the worst weekend of their lives and their car broke down. any suggestions on a good ending? Thanks for the help!
Anyone have any good ideas for a story they want written? Let it out. I have to write a story about 6 – 10 pages long, and I’m flat dead on ideas. I wasn’t cut out for fiction, as I like to work with research and journalism. I am a freelance writer, so I don’t focus on this a whole lot.
Thanks and let me know what ideas you got.
it is set in WW1 and i wil include it in additional details so refresh if it is not there, I no it is not grammar perfect but that is because there is no spell check on this computer and will finish that at later date, I just wish to know what you think overall
It was scary. Advancing under our own artillery. with shells bursting only yards infront of us. We must seem like sitting ducks out here, while walking at such a slow pace. I can see the sergeant of a bit yelling something but I cannot here him over the artillery, I must wait for it to be repeated closer to me. It seems you are unable to see 20 yards infront of us we may be right on the kaiser’s doorstep and not know it.
The creeping barage seems to have stopped for the moment we must be close. I judge we have walked about 400 yards. to this point, which should be about a hundred yards short of the germans’ first line. A jerry, which enlisted with the british army finally got the sergeant’s message to me ” the sergeant says we’re 150 yar…” he was stopped as a german land mine disemboled him. knocked to my knees and elbows by the blast I could hardly here as the man next to me tried to help me up. I didn’t know this man, but he knew my name as he lift me up he said “C’mon, Chad you don’t want to get your uniform dirty first day back, now”
I now remembered the hospital. It was horrible the screams of French, American and British alike filled the air all night. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had myself reassigned as soon as I could
“I came back just for this” I mumbled to the private. The creeping barage finally moved up about 50 yards just as we enclosed only feet from the shell bursts. As I looked down the line I noticed we had lost multiple soldiers to our own shells. There seemed to be gun fire down the line. As the smoke cleared enough I could now see the german lines. Only 15 yards away now! a machine gun opened up shooting right by me. all of a sudden my legged seemed to give up as I stopped in my tracks.
My eyes were wide open, but I wasn’t focused on anything. I seemed to be just standing there not moving, out in the open, invincible, confused, and helpless. Regardless of what I was and ever had been I was helpless as the machine gun took a pass through me and every other man in the british army. looking up I saw the machine gun nest perched 60 yards off to the right and 40 yards above the main battle ground. Seemed almost unfair as i looked down at my legs just to see the machine gun pass through
me and every other man in the british army. looking up I saw the machine gun nest perched 60 yards off to the right and 40 yards above the main battle ground. Seemed almost unfair as i looked down at my legs just to see the machine gun pass through me. A bullet ripped right through the left thigh and I finally stumbled to my left falling down, and into the fellow who had helped me up. How can one man have so much power. With that machine gun you could kill a whole regiment of charging men.
We had fallen into eachother and onto the ground. He was dead, but i could now see his face. I think his name was “Alfred”. He had once brought me my dinner from the chow line.
Looking ahead i couldn’t see much of the trench, but the fellows had entered it. I could see occasional muzzle flashes extruding the trench infront of me. The sergeant was underneath the Machine gun nest now. he seemed to throw a grenade into the nest, but it didn’t stop the gunner from firing until his inevitable death.
There was a gas mask only feet from me. I tired to grab it but my arm wouldn’t extend far enough.
The first line was mostly penetrated, and i could only here one machine gun off in the distance. We were now being held off by sporadic rifle fire and grenades. A sergeant and few soldiers were calling for grenades. After a while of frustration a soldier, Jeffrey, came running out to me to grab any grenades. I raised my hand and called out “Jeffrey! Help me Jeff…” He could not here me as he grabbed the grenade from alfreds’ belt. On has he attempt to run back to the trench he was shot down by german sniper fire.
He was hit twice in the chest and lie four feet or so in front of me. Smoke shells are falling now, and they are right on top of me! The second wave is coming! German artillery fire will be coming soon. the sergeant said there would be mustard gas!
I have to get to the trench! The familar whizzing of german artillery was going by me. I lifted myself up and pushed forward a couple feet. A new machine gun had opened up above me. bullets where thrusting by me. The artillery fire, both British and German, machine guns, grenades, now aiplanes flying overhead, airplanes dropping bombs, yells of the sergeant and yells of the wounded was amazing and deafening. My push forward was all I could bare. The reality of my wounds was now blisteringly real. I was never going to make it to the trench. looking forward I realized I could now reach the gas mask, which had once been out of reach. I struggled to put it on, but the mustard gas shells were falling. Random german artillery was falling all around me.
I managed to get my head over my shoulder looking to the rear. Percipitation had built up on the small glass eye pieces. I could see just enough to make out the second wave.
All the noise, and my lose of blood left me in a daze. it was all so confusing. my vision was blurry and i couldn’t focus on anything but the second wave seemed to be caring springfield rifles, yanks. I would rather not die next to a yank. I would like to die bravely side-by-side of a British soldier. Not like this, cut down by a German machine gun, this is not the proper way to die. How dare he blast that machine gun killing all these men.
They looked grisly and battered. Their uniforms were a mess, rifles, equipment, packs, and gas masks they looked like something from a nightmare. Is this what they enlisted for? To become a charcter of a nightmare? All those mother’s and sisters back in London, Liverpool, Quebec, New York, and Washington! What would they think?
As they walked passed me I was able to lift my hand enough to be noticed…
I woke to the vibrations being pulled along the ground. I was laying in the trench now and unable to move. Soldiers were going by. The soldier that pulled my lifeless body in this ugly crowded place said “Don’t worry mate, we’re gonna…”
I had been sleeping in my cott as the commander bursted in waking a few others and I “The british are advancing! Get up and Man your positions!” “Altmann Get on the damn machine gun” he said to me
The last thing my wife said to me before i left for the hindenberg line was “I don’t believe this war is doing anyone good, but you are brave and I love you.” This made me proud to be a German soldier, but i was not prepared to slaughter so many men with this Maxim machine gun. Walking through these ugly god forsaken trenches is drooling. This place is hell, but yet heaven compared to the ground above.
With my perch over the battlefield i could see through the smoke and was taking shots at the British 200 yards out and closing. I must have killed 70 men. Looking out at the advancing grounds was an horrid sight. All the artillery craters, barbed wire, and land mines littered this once innocent farm land.
A grenade landed in my nest. Extinctively leaped from my position into the trench out of sheer self preservation. When I was at full attention to the situation I realized I had been badly burned by the grenade. The commander had swiftly manned the gun as quick as i had left it. Injured and crawling along the floor a friend named Gehrig came to my side. He started to walk me back to the rear. As we went along I looked back long enough notice to the commander shooting the gun off all the way until his inevitable death. I knew my Battle was over as Gehrig Left me by the nurses tent, but it would be long before I would be leaving here.
oh and sorry you must bare with me as yahoo doesn’t accept Tabs
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