by Muskingum University Library

Question: I was thinking of including these quotes in my novel. Are they too stupid or would it be OK?
I wanna make my main character, Jocie, to be likable. Funny, clever, and sarcastic, so it would be fun to write about her, but are these quotes good for that? How should I change them? Opinions?

Jocie: “Who is that?”
Tori: “Oh, yeah. That’s Oliver. My dad hired him as assistant manager. He’s cute, isn’t he?”
Jocie: “I kind of want him Oliver my bod. Is that bad?”

Jack: “Hey, Jocie…”
Jocie: “Oh, uh, hi.”
Jack: “Wanna go out with me?”
Jocie: “Are you serious?”
Jack: “Um… Yeah.”
Jocie: “Sorry. No. I’d rather be spelunking.”

Harry: “Hey. You must be Jocie? I’m Harry Cox.”
Jocie: “Harry Cox? You can’t be serious.”
Harry: “I am.”
Jocie: “Woah, I’m so sorry. Your parents must be cruel.”

Jocie: “Is it fun being a demon? You probably always win ‘Best Costume’ on Halloween, right?”
Oliver: “One of the rules is that we can’t reveal our true form to anyone.”
Jocie: “Bummer… When do I get to see it? ”

Jocie: “Um, Jack, I thought you were with Tori? Or did that relationship just fly over my head?”
Jack: “She’s not you. Every time I look into your eyes, I just get so lost. I feel like I need a map.”
Jocie: “I’m sorry. What brand of “cheesy jackass” are you? So I know never to buy it.”

Jocie: “Hey, hey, hey, Tori! Been missing for awhile, eh? I thought you, like, evaporated or something.”
Tori: “I was only on vacation for a week.”
Jocie: “And such a long week it was…”

Jocie: “Hey, where’s the tip?”
Guy at table: “Oh, I’ve got a tip for you: Don’t do drugs!”
Jocie: “Thanks… I’ll try to keep that in mind. Seriously. Where is it?”
Guy at table: “You’re not getting one, pretty girl.”
Jocie: “Are you joking or do I have to stick my foot up your ***?”

Jocie: “Hey, Ollie. Is it just you or is it hot in here?”
Oliver: “No? What are you doing, Joc?”
Jocie: “Breaking the ice. What, is it not working?”
Oliver: “Hah, sadly, it is.”

Rinn: “Sometimes I just think I am acting like such an idiot…”
Jocie: “You think right, my friend.”
Her name isn’t Joice. It’s Jocie. Nickname for Jocelyn.
Yeah, I was afraid she was gonna seem bitchy. I’m gonna try to fix that.
When people are sarcastic, they always seen so much like jerks, but the people that she is mean to pretty much deserve it. Like, Jack is a total jackass and broke her best friend’s heart (that’s why I named him Jack) and she was having a bad day when the guy at the table refused to give her her tip.
and she’s joking with Rinn because she’s her friend, too…
Thanks all for the constructive criticism. First, I was gonna write her introverted, but then I made her too outgoing and kinda bitchy. I’m fixing it now. When I first wrote this, I had the voice picked out in my head where you could definitely tell she was joking and being “lovable”, but then I read it again after reading the answers, and now I realize how she came across.
I’m gonna keep the quotes, but make sure that she seems only mean to the people that she’s supposed to be mean to, sticking up for herself or her friends. When she’s be sarcastic with her friends I’ll add giggles or/and “Just kidding, sweetie.” so she won’t seem like a bitch.
Oliver like “all over”. A stupid cliche… her being sarcastic… Sometimes it’s hard to tell through writing.
AND the Harry Cox bit, I’m gonna make her apologize after he says, “I am.” and he laughs and says, “I know. My parents aren’t cruel, though. Unfortunate accident.”

Answer:

Answer by Daddy’s Baby Girl
thy’re kinda corney
~~~Daddy’s Baby Girl~~~