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Question: How is this story I wrote so far?
Noticing that Natalie had a dejected look on her pretty face, James reached over Beverlee to try to touch her, but Natalie slinked away from him. He snickered to himself. She really could be prissy sometimes. They didn’t say people looked cute when they were angry for nothing. Sometimes Natalie looked the most attractive when she was pouting and riled up. It just entertained James all the more.
“Why are you so emotional?” he chuckled.
“I’m not!” she said, agitated.
“You’re the same person who cried herself to sleep at the ending of Thelma and Louise.” laughed Beverlee.
“You are such a terrific friend, Bev.” Natalie said. “I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t in my life.”
James smiled warmly at her. “Come on, Nat. We may not be able to make it to the show, but we can explore downtown at least.”
Natalie looked at James for a moment. She cursed herself for not being able to contain her anger for him. There was just something about him where she couldn’t be mad at him for long.
James glanced over at Natalie, watching her eyes and features soften, the frown she had been wearing all evening slowly disappearing. Then she smiled a smile so terrible, so beautiful that he had to look away. He felt a self-satisfaction for being the one to cheer her up.
Eventually they were dropped off at the downtown area. Feeling a little bit excited from being out at a place like New York City with her two good friends gave Natalie a sense of freedom in a way. Sure, she’d been to New York plenty of times, but never without her parents. She didn’t understand what was the point of growing up in a nice family if your parents never allowed you to do fun activities.
“Ooh, Nat!” said Beverlee. “I see a Gucci store a few blocks from here! Let’s go!”
Natalie squealed giddily, giving her best friend a bear hug. “You know I love my Gucci!”
“I refuse to partake in girl shopping.” James said, folding his hands over his chest in mock defiance.
“I’ll pay for the drinks at the bar.” Beverlee said.
“Who said anything about a bar?” Natalie asked.
“Oh, come on, Nat. I won’t drink this time; I promise.”
Natalie chuckled to herself. Like Shaggy from Scooby Doo being leered by food, Beverlee could always be leered in by any alcoholic beverages. Natalie was, however, worried that she might be a borderline alcoholic. Just a week ago Beverlee was literally smashed from all the Vodka Martini’s she tried in Darren’s dorm room.
“Okay, fine,” laughed James. “But don’t expect me to hold you girls’ purses.”
“Too late,” Natalie said, flinging her Kate Spate tote into his arms. “By the way, I need you to pick up my dry cleaners at 12:00. Thanks, and here’s a tip.”
“You know, Nat, for that comment I would knock you out, but I actually like you.”
“Woman beater!” shouted Beverlee.
James frowned. “No way, anyone who hurts you girls, I will personally kill them.”
“You know James,” Beverlee said. “Just because we’re female, doesn’t mean we can’t take care of ourselves. If a man hits me, I’d kick his ass.”
Natalie guffawed wildly. This was why she loved her friends so much. Beverlee could basically kick ass when she wanted to. She wasn’t one of those girls who relied on someone to protect her. If she were in an abusive relationship, Beverlee would find a way to get out of it. In the sixth grade Beverlee and Natalie had promised each other that they would never let a man take advantage of them.
When they got to the bar they immediately found a table. Five minutes into arriving, Beverlee had already took five shots of Tequila. Beverlee could break the world record for person who drunk the most alcohol.
“Beverlee, that’s enough.” James said. “How about a Shirley Temple.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” she concurred. “I need to lay off. It’s not good for my health.”
“And plus, I don’t want you ending up like Amy Winehouse.” joked James.
“She does make good music, though.” said Natalie.
“We never said she didn’t.” Beverlee said. “But she’s kind of a mess.”
“Hey, I’m going to go over there and flirt with those girls over there.” James announced suddenly.
Inexplicable jealous swept over Natalie. Why didn’t he look at her the way he looked at other girls. Not that she liked him as more than a friend or anything. He did flirt with her at times, but James flirted with other girls. And it wasn’t like he ever made a pass at her. He pretty much treated her like an old friend from Kindergarten. That wasn’t how she thought of him most of the time. As much as it made her fee
Answer:
Answer by mrevan387
i rate it a 7/10
Question by Damn Pocket Protector: If you wrote a “non-fiction” book that dealt with a “life experience” topic…What would you write about?
(Would it be “psychological/down to Earth family stuff? Or would it be “mind-expansive philosophical” stuff?)
Or maybe even a combination of both…but “What” would you focus on…what would be your “theme?” What would be your “message to the world?”
Best answer:
Answer by AxisofOddity
I’d write about telepathy, but I doubt many would buy the book.
Maybe I’d write after being cured.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
it is set in WW1 and i wil include it in additional details so refresh if it is not there, I no it is not grammar perfect but that is because there is no spell check on this computer and will finish that at later date, I just wish to know what you think overall
It was scary. Advancing under our own artillery. with shells bursting only yards infront of us. We must seem like sitting ducks out here, while walking at such a slow pace. I can see the sergeant of a bit yelling something but I cannot here him over the artillery, I must wait for it to be repeated closer to me. It seems you are unable to see 20 yards infront of us we may be right on the kaiser’s doorstep and not know it.
The creeping barage seems to have stopped for the moment we must be close. I judge we have walked about 400 yards. to this point, which should be about a hundred yards short of the germans’ first line. A jerry, which enlisted with the british army finally got the sergeant’s message to me ” the sergeant says we’re 150 yar…” he was stopped as a german land mine disemboled him. knocked to my knees and elbows by the blast I could hardly here as the man next to me tried to help me up. I didn’t know this man, but he knew my name as he lift me up he said “C’mon, Chad you don’t want to get your uniform dirty first day back, now”
I now remembered the hospital. It was horrible the screams of French, American and British alike filled the air all night. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had myself reassigned as soon as I could
“I came back just for this” I mumbled to the private. The creeping barage finally moved up about 50 yards just as we enclosed only feet from the shell bursts. As I looked down the line I noticed we had lost multiple soldiers to our own shells. There seemed to be gun fire down the line. As the smoke cleared enough I could now see the german lines. Only 15 yards away now! a machine gun opened up shooting right by me. all of a sudden my legged seemed to give up as I stopped in my tracks.
My eyes were wide open, but I wasn’t focused on anything. I seemed to be just standing there not moving, out in the open, invincible, confused, and helpless. Regardless of what I was and ever had been I was helpless as the machine gun took a pass through me and every other man in the british army. looking up I saw the machine gun nest perched 60 yards off to the right and 40 yards above the main battle ground. Seemed almost unfair as i looked down at my legs just to see the machine gun pass through
me and every other man in the british army. looking up I saw the machine gun nest perched 60 yards off to the right and 40 yards above the main battle ground. Seemed almost unfair as i looked down at my legs just to see the machine gun pass through me. A bullet ripped right through the left thigh and I finally stumbled to my left falling down, and into the fellow who had helped me up. How can one man have so much power. With that machine gun you could kill a whole regiment of charging men.
We had fallen into eachother and onto the ground. He was dead, but i could now see his face. I think his name was “Alfred”. He had once brought me my dinner from the chow line.
Looking ahead i couldn’t see much of the trench, but the fellows had entered it. I could see occasional muzzle flashes extruding the trench infront of me. The sergeant was underneath the Machine gun nest now. he seemed to throw a grenade into the nest, but it didn’t stop the gunner from firing until his inevitable death.
There was a gas mask only feet from me. I tired to grab it but my arm wouldn’t extend far enough.
The first line was mostly penetrated, and i could only here one machine gun off in the distance. We were now being held off by sporadic rifle fire and grenades. A sergeant and few soldiers were calling for grenades. After a while of frustration a soldier, Jeffrey, came running out to me to grab any grenades. I raised my hand and called out “Jeffrey! Help me Jeff…” He could not here me as he grabbed the grenade from alfreds’ belt. On has he attempt to run back to the trench he was shot down by german sniper fire.
He was hit twice in the chest and lie four feet or so in front of me. Smoke shells are falling now, and they are right on top of me! The second wave is coming! German artillery fire will be coming soon. the sergeant said there would be mustard gas!
I have to get to the trench! The familar whizzing of german artillery was going by me. I lifted myself up and pushed forward a couple feet. A new machine gun had opened up above me. bullets where thrusting by me. The artillery fire, both British and German, machine guns, grenades, now aiplanes flying overhead, airplanes dropping bombs, yells of the sergeant and yells of the wounded was amazing and deafening. My push forward was all I could bare. The reality of my wounds was now blisteringly real. I was never going to make it to the trench. looking forward I realized I could now reach the gas mask, which had once been out of reach. I struggled to put it on, but the mustard gas shells were falling. Random german artillery was falling all around me.
I managed to get my head over my shoulder looking to the rear. Percipitation had built up on the small glass eye pieces. I could see just enough to make out the second wave.
All the noise, and my lose of blood left me in a daze. it was all so confusing. my vision was blurry and i couldn’t focus on anything but the second wave seemed to be caring springfield rifles, yanks. I would rather not die next to a yank. I would like to die bravely side-by-side of a British soldier. Not like this, cut down by a German machine gun, this is not the proper way to die. How dare he blast that machine gun killing all these men.
They looked grisly and battered. Their uniforms were a mess, rifles, equipment, packs, and gas masks they looked like something from a nightmare. Is this what they enlisted for? To become a charcter of a nightmare? All those mother’s and sisters back in London, Liverpool, Quebec, New York, and Washington! What would they think?
As they walked passed me I was able to lift my hand enough to be noticed…
I woke to the vibrations being pulled along the ground. I was laying in the trench now and unable to move. Soldiers were going by. The soldier that pulled my lifeless body in this ugly crowded place said “Don’t worry mate, we’re gonna…”
I had been sleeping in my cott as the commander bursted in waking a few others and I “The british are advancing! Get up and Man your positions!” “Altmann Get on the damn machine gun” he said to me
The last thing my wife said to me before i left for the hindenberg line was “I don’t believe this war is doing anyone good, but you are brave and I love you.” This made me proud to be a German soldier, but i was not prepared to slaughter so many men with this Maxim machine gun. Walking through these ugly god forsaken trenches is drooling. This place is hell, but yet heaven compared to the ground above.
With my perch over the battlefield i could see through the smoke and was taking shots at the British 200 yards out and closing. I must have killed 70 men. Looking out at the advancing grounds was an horrid sight. All the artillery craters, barbed wire, and land mines littered this once innocent farm land.
A grenade landed in my nest. Extinctively leaped from my position into the trench out of sheer self preservation. When I was at full attention to the situation I realized I had been badly burned by the grenade. The commander had swiftly manned the gun as quick as i had left it. Injured and crawling along the floor a friend named Gehrig came to my side. He started to walk me back to the rear. As we went along I looked back long enough notice to the commander shooting the gun off all the way until his inevitable death. I knew my Battle was over as Gehrig Left me by the nurses tent, but it would be long before I would be leaving here.
oh and sorry you must bare with me as yahoo doesn’t accept Tabs